|
 .
Hºw ² Mªkê £ûv
Ingredients:
4 Laughing eyes
4 Well-shaped
legs
4 Loving arms
2 Firm milk containers
2 Nuts
1 Fur-lined mixing bowl
1 Firm banana
Directions:
1. Look into laughing eyes.
2. Spread well-shaped legs with loving arms.
3. Squeeze and
massage milk containers very gently.
4. Gently add firm banana to mixing bowl, working in and out until well creamed.
For best results. Continue to knead milk containers.
5. As heat rises, plunge banana deep into mixing bowl and
cover with nuts, leave to soak (preferably NOT overnight).
6. The cake is done when banana is soft. If banana
does not soften, repeat steps 3-5 or change mixing bowls.
Notes:
1. If you are in an unfamiliar
kitchen, wash utensils carefully before and after use.
2. Do not lick mixing bowl after use.
3. If cake
rises, leave town.
*TIPS FOR SEX*
---You should have
SEX on days that begin with T:
Thanksgiving,
Tuesday,
Thursday,
Today,
Tomorrow,
---Sex
is:
like Nokia (connecting people)
like Nike (Just do it)
like Pepsi (ask for more)
like Coca
Cola (Enjoy)
---Top 10 Places to have sex:
In your bed
In your parents bed
In a car
On
a washing machine, while running
In a hot tub
On a beach, down in the sand
On a comfy couch with the
TV on
On a waterbed
A plane bathroom
In the rain ..
---Top 10 Places NOT to have sex:
In
the movies
In a car... WHILE YOU'RE DRIVING!
In front of all of your friends
In a phonebooth
In
your best friend's bed
At Grandma's house
At school
In your dirty basement
In the street
ON-LINE
---Top
three things to say before having sex:
I love you [ONLY iF YOU MEAN iT]
Rock my world
Let's get ready
to RUMBLE...
---Top three things NOT to say before having sex:
Is this gunna hurt?
Sure....I've
done this thousands of times...
Are you sure it's on there?
---Top 3 things to say after sex:
Are
you sure this was you're first time?
Gotta cigarette?
Wanna do it again?
---Top 3 things NOT
to say after sex:
That was IT??
I think I hear my mom calling me ---- see ya
OOPS, the condom broke!
My bad!
Nike Condoms: Just do it!
Toyota Condoms: Oh What a Feeling!
McDonalds Condoms: Mac Your Day!
Australian Gold Lotto Condoms: Wouldn't it be Nice!
Coca Cola Condoms: Enjoy!
Diet Pepsi Condoms: You got the right one, baby.
Pringles Condoms: Once you pop, you can't stop.
Mentos Condoms:
The freshmaker.
Flintstones Vitamins Condom Pack: Ten million strong and growing.
Secret Condoms: Strong enough for
a man, but pH balanced for a woman.
Macintosh Condom: It does more, it costs less, it's that simple.
Britney S. Condoms:
Baby! One more Time!
Christina A. Condoms: Gotta Rub me the Right Way!
Lays Condoms: Betcha can't have just one.
Campbell's
Soup Condoms: Mmm, mmm, good.
General Electric Condoms: We bring good things to life!
Don Smallgoods Condoms: Is Don.
Is Good
AT&T Condoms: Reach out and touch someone.
Optus Condoms: Say Yes.
Bounty Condoms: The quicker picker
upper.
Microsoft Condoms: Where do you want to go today?
Energizer Condoms: It keeps going and going and going....
Ford Condoms: The best never rest.
Chevy Condoms: Like a Rock. or We'll be There
Dial Condoms: Aren't you glad
you use it? Don't you wish everybody did?
Kia Condoms: Ki-Aaaaah!
New York Lotto Condoms: Cause hey - you never know.
California Lotto Condoms: Who's next?
Australian Lotto Condoms: Wouldn't it be Nice?
Avis Condoms: Trying harder
than ever.
KFC Condoms: Finger-Licking Good.
Coca Cola Condoms: Always the Real Thing.
M&M Condoms: It melts
in your mouth, not in your hands!
Ansett Condoms: Absolutley!
Taco Bell Condoms: Get some; make a run for the border.
MCI Condoms: For friends and family
Doublemint Condoms: Double your pleasure, double your fun!
The Sears latex
condom: One coat is good for the entire winter.
Delta Airlines Condoms: Ready when you are.
Star Trek Condoms: Boldly
Go Where No Man Has Gone Before
Yahoo Condoms: Yahoooooooooooooo
161 C0ND0M SAYiNG
1) Cover your stump before
you hump
2) Before you attack her, wrap your whacker
3) Don't be silly, protect your Willie
4) When in doubt shroud
you spout
5) Don't be a loner, cover your boner
6) You can't go wrong, if you shield your dong
7) If your not
going to sack it, go home and whack it
8) If you think she's spunky, cover your monkey
9) It will be sweeter if you
wrap your peter
10) If you slip between her thighs, condomize
11) She won't get sick if you wrap your dick
12)
If you go into heat, package your meat
13) While your undressing Venus, dress up your penis
14) When you take off
her pants and blouse, suit up your mouse
15) Especially in December, gift wrap your member
16) Never ever deck her,
with an unwrapped pecker
17) Don't be a fool, vulcanize your tool
18) The right selection, is to protect your erection
19) Wrap it in foil, before you check her oil
20) A crank with armor, will never harm her
21) If you really love
her, wear a cover
22) Don't make a mistake, cover your snake
23) Sex is cleaner with a packaged wiener
24) If
you can't shield your rocket, leave it in your pocket
25) No glove, no love
26) If you think she'll sigh, cover old
one eye
27) Even If she's eager, protect her beaver
28) No one likes a horses ass, protect yourself at climax
29)
Shield her from the hunt until you shoot her in the cunt
30) Avoid a frown, contain your clown
31) Harness the pygmy
man before entering the bearded clam
32) Constrain the little head before you stick it in the shed
33) Put a condom
on your dink before you dart it in her sink
34) The weasel you must surround before you please her on the ground
35)
Cloak the joker before you poke her
36) Encase that torch before you paint her porch
37) Cape your throbber before
you bob her
38) After detection sheath your erection
39) Before you penetrate hide your magistrate
40) Don't surprise
her plug your Geyser
41) Cover that lumber before you pump her
42) Protect her wrinkle before you sprinkle
43)
She won't bristle if you wrap your whistle
44) House your noodle then release your strudel
45) Put your dog in the
pound and make her yelp like a hound
46) Shelter your jerky then nab that turkey
47) Cage that snake then shake and
bake
48) Cover your peter it will be much neater
49) Coat that Labrador then allow him to explore
50) It's always
funky to cage your monkey
51) It won't be funny with a coatless dummy
52) It won't be fun with an unwrapped thumb
53) It's not much money to catch your honey
54) Don't be a fool cover your tool
55) Hood that match then scratch
that thatch
56) Stitch that switch then itch her niche
57) Wrap that tool to catch the drool
58) It ain't no jibe
to protect her hive
59) Contain that sputum before you use him
60) Restrain your log then plow her bog
61) Glove
your pecker before you check her
62) Coat that slimer before you prime her
63) Condomize then womanize
64) Cover
old pete then grind her meat
65) Guard your peter before you meet her
66) Check your list before you tryst
67)
Wrap your bate before you mate
68) Can your worm before you squirm
69) Cover your pipe you dumb ass wipe
70) Contain
your lizard then tickle her gizzard
71) Bag the mole then do her hole
72) Cuff your carrot before you share it
73)
Jail your number then call the plumber
74) Cover your vein then drive her insane
75) Wrap that pickle then slip her
a tickle
76) Protect your dink then fluff her mink
77) Restrain your lantern then stick it in her cavern
78) Hide
ole harry then take her cherry
79) Wrap that spout then bore her out
80) Conceal your train don't cause her pain
81)
Guard your bridge then do her ridge
82) Shroud your trout then make her shout
83) To make her squat like a turkey,
cover your Jerky
84) Box your blister then poke her in the whiskers
85) Wrap your spout to catch the trout
86)
Plug your funnel then enter the tunnel
87) Cover your steamer before you ream her
88) Protect that fish then dip it
in the dish
89) Contain that bass for a swim in her glass
90) Be sure to wear it to feed her ferret
91) Clothe
the boner before you hone her
92) Got no protection? Can't use your erection!
93) Cork your pump or you don't hump
94) No unwrapped stags get between my legs
95) Dress that erection to make a deflection
96) Contain that shanker
before you spank her
97) Cap that seeder before you breed her
98) Stop the stream before you cream
99) Secure
that ladder then drain your bladder
100) Protect your screw to catch that glue
101) Package your meat for a real neat
treat
102) Holster your gun then shootings more fun
103) Canvas that trailer before you nail her
104) Garage the
tractor then attack her
105) Net that grass hopper before you pop her
106) Sock that wanger before you bang her
107)
Pen that rooster, she'll be much looser
108) Trim your hardwood then do her real good
109) Garnish your oak then give
her a poke
110) Pouch your associate then go fornicate
111) Smother your affiliate before you ejaculate
112) Confine
your fascinate before it regurgitates
113) Catch that goat before it bloats
114) Ensnare that barbarian then do her
abdomen
115) Restrain your hammer then wam bam her
116) Prune that stalk then make her squawk
117) Wrap that rod
then please her bod
118) Sheath that knife she ain't your wife
119) House that bottle then mash her throttle
120)
Sash that hash then thrash that gash
121) Cover your diddle then fiddle her middle
122) Can your knob then throb her
swab
123) Contain old Doug then clean her rug
124) Cover your limb before you swim
125) Retain your bailer then
impail her
126) Rope your dope then make some soap
127) Net your salamander then make salad in her
128) Cap your
flapper then sniff her snapper
129) Wrap that Steed then trample her weeds
130) Hat that chef then scramble her cleft
131) Cover your stone before you bone
132) House your hose then curl her toes
133) Saddle your penis then straddle
her mean ass
134) Blanket your twitch then hump that bitch
135) Shield your rocks then pond her box
136) Cover
old sly then do her dry
137) Wrap your rail then fill her pail
138) Glove your chimney before you come in me
139)
If your nude tube your dude
140) Cloak your hitter then go split her
141) Wrap your nipper before you dip her
142)
Can your spam then bam that mam
143) Corral your ram then slice her ham
144) Sheath your sliver then jab her liver
145) Twist your wick then stick that prick
146) Cover old Bart then dart her tart
147) Shed old spot then do her
slot
148) Drawer your pip then split her lips
149) Contain that leach then mash her peach
150) Bag your elm then
take the helm
151) Constrain your gem to catch the flem
152) Catch that head cheese or I won't spread these
153)
Constrain that agate you ain't no faggot
154) Survey your land then plant her stand
155) Before you drive her protect
that diver
156) Sack that slimy smelt then tan her beaver pelt
157) Wrap that stiffer then let him sniff her
158)
Cover you post then slice her roast
159) Blanket old juicy then plug old loosey
160) Balloon your baboon the moon
tune her poon
161) Contain that viper before you pipe her
¤ SeX lAwS aRoUnD tHe WoRlD ¤
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
In Lebanon, men are legally allowed to have sex with animals, but the animals must be female. Having
sexual relations with a male animal is punishable by death.
In Bahrain, a male doctor may legally examine a woman's genitals, but is prohibited from looking directly
at them during the examination. He may only see their reflection in a mirror.
Muslims are banned from looking at the genitals of a corpse. This also applies to undertakers. The
sex organs of the deceased must be covered with a brick or piece of wood at all times.
The penalty for masturbation in Indonesia is decapitation.
There are men in Guam whose full-time job is to travel the countryside and deflower young virgins,
who pay them for the privilege of having sex for the first time... Reason: under Guam law, it is expressly forbidden for virgins
to marry.
In Hong Kong, a betrayed wife is legally allowed to kill her adulterous husband, but may only do so
with her bare hands. The husband's lover, on the other hand, may be killed in any manner desired.
Topless saleswomen are legal in Liverpool, England - but only in Tropical fish stores.
In Cali, Colombia, a woman may only have sex with her husband, and the first time this happens, her
mother must be in the room to witness the act.
In Santa Cruz, Bolivia, it is illegal for a man to have sex with a woman and her daughter at the same
time.
In Maryland, it is illegal to sell condoms from vending machines, with one exception: prophylactics
may be dispensed from a vending machine only "in places where alcoholic beverages are sold for consumption on the premises."
|
|
Dating No No's
Father: What are your intentions with my daughter?
Date: I have been bored lately i want some action.
Father: Do you ever illegally underage drink?
Date: Huh? Underage Drinking is illegal?
Father: If my daughter were part of a garden, which part would she be?
Date: the hoe
Father: Do you always use protection?
Date: Yeah i always wear deodorant.
Father: If I told you not to go somewhere, would you go there?
Date: Only if i wanted to go there.
Father: Would you ever make my daughter cry?
Date: I cannot control her emotions.
Father: Would you ever take my daughter in your bedroom?
Date: Nah i would take her on the bed.
|
Okay, this could be true,
this could not be. It varies. I'm guessing this was a couple's fight turned out bad. lol.
A Girl's View On Blow Jobs
1. First and foremost, we are not obligated to do it.
2. Extension
to rule #1 - So if you get one, be grateful.
3. I do not care WHAT they did in the porn video you saw, it is not standard
practice to cum on someone's face.
4. Extension to rule #3 - No, I DO NOT have to swallow.
5. My ears are NOT handles.
6. Extension to rule #5 - do not push on the top of my head. Last I heard, deep throat had been done. And additionally,
do you really WANT puke on your dick?
7. I do not care HOW relaxed you get, it is NEVER OK to fart.
8. Having my period
does not mean that it's "hummer week" - get it through your head - I am bloated and I feel like shit so no, I do not feel
particularly obligated to blow you just because YOU can't have sex right now. (i'm a girl and this one is stupid to me ...
but oh well ... )
9. Extension to #8 - "Blue Balls" might have worked on high school girls - if you are that desperate,
go jerk off and leave me alone with my Midol.
10. If I have to pause to remove a pubic hair from my teeth, don't tell
me I have just "wrecked it" for you.
11. Leaving me in bed while you go play video games immediately afterwards is highly
inadvisable if you would like my behavior to be repeated in the future.
12. If you like how we do it, it is probably best
not to speculate about the origins of our talent. Just enjoy the moment and be happy that we're good at it. See also rule
#2 about gratitude.
13. No, it does not particularly taste good. And I do not care about the protein content.
14.
No, I will NOT do it while you watch TV.
15. When you hear your friends complain about how they do not get blowjobs often
enough, keep your mouth shut. It is inappropriate to either sympathize or brag.
16. Just because "it's awake" when you
get up does not mean I have to "kiss it good morning."
Guy's View On Blow Jobs
1. First of all, yes you are obligated to do it. If you do not, we
will find someone (younger, prettier and dirtier) who will. (this is a very dirty comeback, and not true for ... most guys)
2. Second, swallowing a teaspoon full of cream is a hell of a lot easier than licking a dead fish.
3. You want to
talk about farting? Does the word "queef" mean anything to you?
4. I will use your ears as I see fit. do not worry about
it and be thankful I am not pulling your hair.
5. When you're on your period, stuffing something in your mouth is the
only way to stop you from bitching and moaning. Suck it up! (haha ... lol ... that is great! ... omg i'm a menace to all girls
... lol)
6. Speaking of which, if you are bleeding for five straight days, you need all the fluids you can get. Trust
me.
7. You bitch about the taste, but trust me when I tell you that we get the short end of the stick in flavor country.
8. At least there is no danger of a dick bleeding in your mouth.
9. Play with the balls.
10. No matter how good
you think you are at it, we have had better.
11. Caress the ass, too. We like that!
12. Make hay when the sun shines.
It's "wide awake" in the morning now, but when you get old & fat and looking for some action, I gah-ron-tee it'll be "sound
asleep."
13. If you swallow, then you do not have to worry about getting any on your face, now will you?
Well ... haven't we all learned something ... haha ...
S3x 3dumaction
Little Johnny was 7 years old and like other boys his age rather
curious. He had been hearing quite a bit about 'courting' from the older boys, and he wondered what it was and how it was
done. One day he took his question to his mother, who became rather flustered. Instead of explaining things to Johnny, she
told him to hide behind the curtains one night and watch his older sister and her boyfriend. This he did. The following morning,
Johnny described EVERYTHING to his mother. "Sis and her boyfriend sat and talked for a while, then he turned off most of the
lights. Then he started kissing and hugging her. I figured 'Sis must be getting sick, because her face started looking funny.
He must have thought so too, because he put his hand inside her blouse to feel her heart, just the way the doctor would. Except
he's not as smart as the doctor because he seemed to have trouble finding her heart. I guess he was getting sick too, because
pretty soon both of them started panting and getting all out of breath. His other hand must have been cold because he put
it under her skirt. About this time 'Sis got worse and began to moan and sigh and squirm around and slide down toward the
end of the couch. This was when her fever started. I knew it was a fever, because Sis told him she felt really hot. Finally,
I found out what was making them so sick-a big eel ;had gotten inside his pants somehow. It just jumped out of his pants and
stood there, about 10 inches long, honest, anyway he grabbed it in one hand to keep it from getting away. When Sis saw it,
she got really scared-her eyes got big, and her mouth fell open, and she started calling out to God and stuff like that. She
said it was the biggest one ! she's ever seen; I should tell her about the ones down at the lake by our house! Anyway, Sis
got brave and tried to kill the eel by biting its head off. All of a sudden she grabbed it with both hands and held it tight
while he took a muzzle out of his pocket and slipped it over the eel's head to keep it from biting again. Sis lay back and
spread her legs so she could get a scissor-lock on it and he helped by lying on top of the eel. The eel put up a hell of a
fight. Sis started groaning and squealing and her boyfriend almost upset the couch. I guess they wanted to kill the eel by
squashing it between them. After a while they both quit moving and gave a great sigh. Her boyfriend got up, and sure enough,
they killed the eel. I knew because it just hung there, limp, and some of its insides were hanging out. Sis and her boyfriend
were a little tired from the battle, but they went back to courting anyway. He started hugging and kissing her again. By golly,
the eel wasn't dead! It jumped straight up and started to fight again. I guess eels are like cats- they have nine lives or
something. This time, Sis jumped up and tried to kill it by sitting on it. After about a 35 minute struggle, they finally
killed the eel. I knew it was dead, because I saw Sis's boyfriend peel its skin off and flush it down the toilet.
Ever wonder how the seven dwarves got their names?
Miss Snow White was a randy cow,
And desperate for a fuck.
So off she went into the woods,
To try and get some
luck!
She'd almost given up looking,
When she saw some chimney smoke.
Then stumbled on a cottage,
And went in for
a poke.
Her clothes came off in seconds.
And she'd just removed her pants,
When seven Dwarves came marching in,
With
a merry song and dance.
Snow White just stood there speechless,
And thought she was in heaven!
Originally after one good shag,
But
now she could have seven.
Straight away she took command,
"My fanny needs a lick!"
And when one dwarf moved forward,
She said "Oi-you'd
better drop you pick!"
So down he went onto all fours,
And said "I ain't licking that!"
"Not there, that me arse-hole,
You DOPEY little
brat!"
The next dwarf started blushing,
"Do we have to do it here?"
Snow White said "Don't be BASHFUL!
Unless you're
fucking queer!"
So reluctantly he whipped it out,
To prove he was no fool.
And Snow White gave a big "Heigh-Ho"
As she rode
upon his tool.
Now one dwarf wasn't smiling,
'Cos he hadn't had a sniff.
And due to his impatience,
He couldn't raise a stiff.
"Relax, you GRUMPY bastard",
So he did as he was told.
And as soon as he was hard enough,
He shot his fucking
load.
The next dwarf got a blow job,
And she took him in quite easy.
But she just avoided brain-damage,
Whe he sneezed,
she called him SNEEZY.
With three dwarves left, she turned and said,
"You're next, I want your knob!"
But no sooner had he entered her,
Than he was sleeping on the job.
"Wake up you SLEEPY idiot"
She wanted more from him.
And he woke with such excitement,
That he filled her hairy
quim.
The next dwarf rammed his up her,
And shagged her fanny raw.
And dazed Snow White then whimpered,
"That should
be against the law!"
He made poor Snow White tremble,
He was so big and thick.
"No wonder you're so HAPPY,
With that fucking great
big dick."
With one dwarf still remaining,
But feeling rather sore,
She said "You'll have to use your tongue,
My clit
can't take no more.!"
And so he put his tongue to work,
Where others had put their cocks.
And 'cos he made Snow White feel better,
She
named the last one DOC.
Now Snow White couldn't do much,
With all that cum inside her quim,
So she grabbed a cup, and squatted,
And
filled it to the brim.
So there's the truth about the dwarves,
And how they got their names,
By satisfying miss Snow White,
And joining
in her games.
There's one more thing you need to know,
And that's what happened to that cup?
Well think of what you're drinking...
When you next buy 7-UP
As I lay on my bed, thinking about you,
I feel this strong urge to grab you and squeeze you,
because I can't forget last night.
You came to me unexpectedly during the balmy and calm night,
and what happened
in my bed still leaves a tingling sensation in me.
You appeared from nowhere and shamelessly,
without any reservations,
you laid on my naked body...
you sensed my indifference,
so you started to bite my body without any guilt or
humiliation,
and you drove
me crazy while you sucked me dry.
Finally I went to sleep.
Today when I woke up,
you were gone,
I searched for you but to no avail,
only the sheets bore witness to last nights events.
My body still shows your
marks,
making it harder to forget you.
Tonight I will remain awake waiting for you....
you fucking mosquito.
|
|
> POEM # 1
> >Roses are red,
> > Pickles are green
> > I love your legs and whats between
> >
> > POEM # 2
> > Roses are red
>
> Grass is green
> > Open your legs
> > And i'll fuck you clean
> >
> > POEM #
3
> > I like your style
> > I like your class
> > but most of all i like your ass
> >
> > POEM # 4
> > Im a cool girl, in a cool town
> > it takes a real mother fucker to put me
down
> >
> > POEM # 5
> > Kissing is a habit
> > Fucking is a game
> > Guys
get all the pleasure
> > Girls get all the pain
> > The guy says i love you
> > You belive its
true
> > But when your tummy starts to swell,
> > He says 'to hell with you'
> > 10 minutes
of pleasure
> > 9 monthes in pain
> > 3 days in hospital
> > A baby without a name
>
> The baby is a bastard
> > The mother is a whore
> > This never wouldnt have happened
> >
If the rubber wouldnt have torn
> >
> > POEM # 6
> > Guys are like roses,
> > Watch
out for the pricks.
> >
> > POEM # 7
> > Smoke a smoke
> > Not a butt
> >
Fuck a virgin
> > Not a slut.
> >
> > POEM # 8
> > Sex is bad
> > Sex is
a sin
> > Sins are forgiven
> > So stick it in.
> >
> > POEM #9
> > Holy
mother , full of grace
> > Bless my boyfriend's gorgeous face
> > Bless his hair that tends to curl
>
> Keep him safe from all the girls
> > Bless his arms that are so strong
> > Keep his hands where they
belong
> > Bless his dick, the one i sucked
> > Bless the bed, in which we fucked
> > And if
my mum happened to walk in
> > Bless the shit i'd be in.
> >
> > POEM # 10
> > Sex
is when a guys communication
> > enters a girls information
> > to increase the population
> >
for a younger generation
> > do you get the information...
> > or do you need a demonstration
>
>
> > POEM # 11
> > Men are like public toliets
> > They are either engaged or full of shit!
> >
> > POEM # 12
> > If guys had their periods
> > They would compare the size of
their tampons!
> >
> > POEM # 13
> > Mental anxienty,
> > Mental breakdowns,
>
> Menstrual cramps,
> > Menopause...
> > Did you ever notice how all our problems begin
> with
MEN!
> >
> > POEM # 14
> > Roses are red,
> > Violets are corny,
> > When
i think of you
> > Ohh baby i get horny,
> > Eat me,
> > Beat Me,
> > Bite me,
>
> Blow me,
> > Suck me,
> > Fuck me,
> > Very slowly,
> > if you kiss me,
>
> dont be sassy,
> > Use your tongue and make it nasty!!!!
my mommi says im satan.
save water shower with a friend
stop kitty porn
fine.. i will just
sit in my lil corner
will dance for happy meals
will work for meow mix
wont bite ... much
i fucked mr rogers
thats
ok... ill get u when ur sleepin!
welcoem to loserville ... population... YOU!
monkeys will take over the world some
day... then i'll be queen.
if i thro a stick then will u leave??
mustard is evil...
fishsticks are my friends
remember
jesus loves u but everyoen else thinks ur an ass
GOD is comming.. everyone look busy!!!
never underestimate the power
of stupid people in large groups
No more brittany dolls... its NOT funny!
OOPS! i went punk...
LoL you silly bananna
dont
eat that crayon.. its mine!
scream if u love brittany so i know where to aim
since light travels faster than sound...
u will seem brighter before u speak.
i dont have issues i have a subscription
u smell like butt..
preps smell funny
peez
dun pep-ify mee!!!
if u bother me i will bite u
ur just jeallous cause i hear the voices!
u scareme ... do it again!
i
dont hear the voices... i am the voices
WHO LET UR MOM OUT * WOOF
please remove your sorry ass
i said no to drugs..
they wouldnt listen
Damn kinky squirrels
when your not looking this is in spanish
Hah Humm A PiGs BuMM
the penguines
r stealing my sanity
Yes Yes Yes Here We GO!!! Tampax will stop the flow!
wana get laid??? crawl up a chickens ass n
wait.
sometimes i sits n thinks n sometimes i just sits.
hi may i rape u??
a prep raped my cow
cant sleep brittany
will eat me
please dont feed the retard
nsync... wanted for raping my goat
insanity kicks ass
mommy told me not
to eat crayons.. but did i listen?? (the last line was supposed 2 b multikolored lol shhhh they'll nevr notice))
Jack And Jill
Jack was going to be married to Jill, so his father sat him down for a little
fireside chat. He says "Jack, let me tell you something. On my wedding night, I took off my pants and handed them to your
mother, and said, 'Here, try these on.' So, she did and said, 'These are too big, I can't wear them.' So I replied, 'Exactly.
I wear the pants in this family and I always will.' Ever since that night we have never had any problems." "Hmmm," says Jack.
He thinks that might be a good thing to try. So, on his honeymoon, Jack takes off his pants and says to Jill, "Here try these
on." So she does and says "These are too large, they don't fit me." So Jack says, "Exactly. I wear the pants in this family
and I always will, and I don't want you to ever forget that." Then Jill takes off her pants and hands them to Jack and says,
"Here >you try on mine." So he does and says, "I can't get into your pants." And Jill says, "Exactly. And if you don't
change your smart a-s-s attitude, you never will."
YOU GOTTA READ THIS! ITZ CRAAAAZY!
This is a true story about
a recent wedding that took place at Clemson University. It was in the local newspaper and even Jay Leno mentioned it. It was
a huge wedding with about 300 guests. After the wedding at the reception, the groom got up on stage with a microphone to talk
to the crowd. He said he wanted to thank everyone for coming, many from long distances, to support them at their wedding.
He especially wanted to thank the bride's and his family and to thank his new father-in-law for providing such a lavish reception.
As a token of his deep appreciation he said he wanted to give everyone a special gift just from him. So taped to the bottom
of everyone's chair, including the wedding party, was a manila envelope. He said this was his gift to everyone, and asked
them to open their envelope. Inside each manila envelope was an 8x10 glossy of his bride having sex with the best man.The
groom had gotten suspicious of them weeks earlier and had hired a private detective to tail them. After just standing there,
just watching the guests' reactions for a couple of minutes, he turned to the best man and said, "F--- you!". Then he turned
to his bride and said, "F--- you!". Then he turned to the dumbfounded crowd and said, "I'm outta here." He had the marriage
annulled first thing in the morning. While most people would have canceled the wedding immediately after finding out about
the affair, this guy goes through with the charade, asif nothing were wrong. His revenge...making the bride's parents pay
over$32,000 for a 300 guest wedding and reception, and best of all, trashingthe bride's and best man's reputations in front
of 300 friends and family members. This guy has balls the size of church bells. Do you think we might get a MasterCard "priceless"
commercial out of this?
Elegant wedding reception for 300 family members and friends....................................$32,000.
Wedding
photographs commemorating the occasion....................................$3,000.
Deluxe two week honeymoon accommodations
in Maui.....................................$8,500.
The look on everyone's face when they see the 8x10 glossy of the bride
humping the best man.....Priceless.
There are some things money can't buy, for everything else there's
MASTERCARD.
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